Lowe's Customer Service - another horrible consumer experience
80Sound is not great, but it is the heart of what this portends.
We Are Heading Towards Idiocracy
So I went to Lowe's the other day. I managed to knock a hole in the wall at my house (it’s a long story, just accept that I am a moron and move on), so I needed to fix it. It was a reasonably large hole and I have never done that sort of work before, so, after watching a video that showed me how to repair it (God I love the Internet), I went to Lowe's to get the items that I now knew I needed for my little home repair project.
I went in and was promptly ignored by the entire staff as is their custom now that they and Home Depot have crushed all the small hardware stores that used to provide service to their customers, and so I spent some time wandering around with my head up my consumer ass. It was great.
I found the aisle with the huge stacks of wallboard. They were enormous. The stacks were six and eight feet tall, and the sheets of sheetrock were like four by twelve or some hideously large dimension that no human that does not occur in a Homerian epic could lift, and there were no “tape knives” as I had learned such things are called, nor were there any rolls of tape, small buckets of “mud” or little red trays to hold my mud in. There was nothing. Just giant stacks of wall board that only one of the Transformers could lift.
So, being a modern consumer used to this sort of experience, I stood there like a dumbass for a while, staring at my little list and shrinking a little every time I glanced up and about hoping that someone in that red vest and blue shirted Lowe's ensemble would amble up and say those beloved words, “Can I help you, sir?”
Alas, no such thing happened. I got close. One Lowe's employee walked by and glanced up at me. I gave him my best helpless-but-too-male-to-just-come-out-and-admit-I-am-lost-in-a-hardware-store-so-please-ask-if-there’s-anything-you-can-do-for-me look.
No luck.
That look has done as much for me as my hey-hot-chick,-do-you-want-to-do-dirty-stuff-to-me? look used to do in high school. Oh well.
So, I wandered around a little. I was getting pissed. There were like, NO, employees. Where the hell did they go? Did they scurry under the shelves when I walked in like cockroaches do when you turn on the lights in the ghetto?
I ended up in lamps and toilet seats before I knew I was avoiding the issue.
I ambled back the direction I came from. I craned my neck and kept reading the big signs that compartmentalize the aisles. Bathroom. Siding. Doors and Windows. Well, there I am again. Drywall. Up and back I had gone.
There has to be tape knives and stuff, right? I mean, the guy that made the video was not just screwing with me? He looked so nice. You know?
So I made a loop and ended up back in the toilet seat aisle. Man, I really wished I needed a new toilet seat right now. Majestic rows of seats in lots of cool textures. Two screws is all that’s required to be a home repair GOD. But no.
So I wandered back to drywall again. But then, in a stroke of luck, I spot an end cap with lots of weird stuff in it. I am sort of befuddled by the whole experience, my confusion, frustration and feeling of inadequacy is making me even less perceptive than I might otherwise have been, but, at least it’s small stuff. I focus on the small stuff. Hey, there’s the tape they were talking about. Shit, how did I miss this? I grab it. OMG, look the tape knives too. SWEET!
Another guy that works there walks by. He probably had bad eyes and thought the slum lord had turned off the lights again, making it safe to come out, but he clearly didn’t see me, so, yeah, his eyesight must be really horrible. I felt very bad for him and was suddenly grateful for my good eyes even though I have to wear glasses. All things in perspective, you know?
I went through and found most of my stuff.
Still no little bucket of mud though. How could that be?
I went back round to the wall of giant person materials. There was no little buckets of mud. There were some 50 lb. stacks of mud dust mix. But I didn’t really think my little hole would require 50 lbs, even if it was a very big, little hole.
There were big 5 gallon buckets too. Same deal. Way overkill. I finally grabbed a red-vested cockroach. "Dude, my video suggested there exists buckets of wall mud that serve for one or two jobs. Have you such things?"
"Yeah. Aisle two."
Aisle two is "Paint" for those of you who do not know. Drywall is aisle 846. It's a long walk. I lost 7 pounds. :)
The 2 quart bucket of mud is $5.95. The 5 gallon bucket is $6.49. I sighed. At least I got some exercise.
I quibbled with myself for a while. Suffered existential misery, worried about the size of my genitalia, lots of stuff. Finally I decided: I’m just going to take what I have, buy a 5 gallon bucket and a piece of wallboard the size of half my house and get out of here.” I was feeling very small; I needed to get out of there before I vanished.
Walking back, I notice a little box with some 2’ x 2’ wallboard squares. It was a plain white box and had no labeling on it. It was a total accident I noticed it. I was overjoyed. I grabbed one. SWEET!
I got to the counter and gave the kid who had been sitting there with his thumb up his ass probably watching me with mine in mine the whole time and let him start ringing me up. He got the wallboard square, the little mud pan, the smaller of the two putty knives. He stopped at the 8” knife.
“Uh, you know the item number on this?” he asked me.
“What?”
“You know the item number on this?”
“Why in god’s name would I know something like that?”
“I need an item number. The tag is gone on this one.”
“Well, don’t you have a book or something?”
He fumbled around for a while.
I waited. I was sure that he, being roughly 20 and clearly a fine physical specimen, would just run back to where they were and get the item number for his customer.
He looked up at me. “Can you go get it?”
“What?” said I.
“Can you go get it.”
“Um,” I was in shock. “Well, I could. But… don’t you think you should. Me being the customer and all?”
“Well, I uh…” I thought he might actually drool. He clearly wasn’t leaving.
“Fine,” I said and gave him a spurious and piercing gaze that was completely lost on him because, according to all the anthropology texts I have read, the neanderthal people had neither sarcasm nor spuriousness as a visual reference. So, I went and got it myself.
God. What is wrong with me? Unfortunately, my only option was Home Depot, where his brother works I’m sure, so why bother?
So, I got it. Walked my old, fat ass back there and got a new one while his young, spry ass sat there with a reinserted thumb.
He rang me up and bid me farewell.
He forgot to ring up the square of wallboard. He forgot because he had done it the first time and had canceled out the bill when he sent me, in lieu of his young self, to get the 8” knife while he sat there and dyed his fingernails brown under the pretext of potentially needing to ring up another customer (that never came, by the way). I actually had to tell him to charge me for it.
"You didn't charge me for the wallboard," I said, looking at my receipt, certain that a simian of this magnitude would have screwed it up... and I was right. This one had. (The upside is that God must laugh, and, it serves as evidence not only that there is a God, but that He has a sense of humor, because evolution cannot produce such idiocy. It defies the very premise.)
"Oh, yeah," he mumbled. He took my small 2x2 wallboard and proceded to peel the sticker off the back, intending to scan it. It was stuck... have you ever tried to peel a tag off of a book or some other paper surface? Yes, well, he really did battle with it. Clearly the complexity of adhesives combined with the fact that wallboard is essentially chalk held together by a layer of paper, was complicated, and, well, the poor boy just really had a time of it. He finally got it loose, but in doing so he tore through the protective layer of my wallboard. I couldn't help wondering why he hadn't done that the first time, but it was a riddle too lost in the storm of my general "WTF, where am I, how does this happen in America" moment to be asked aloud. I debated demanding another piece, but I knew even as I thought it that I would only cost myself another 20 minutes of misery, so I concluded, despite never having done any drywall work before, that, as a redneck, born and raised, and quite despite my having learned to read since, that I could probably save my drywall square with duct tape. I paid him, a separate bill, for my drywall, and left.
So, yeah. Lowe's sucks. And America is doomed.
CommentsLoading...
I never go to Lowe's but I always get help at Home Depot. Seriously, all I have to do is walk around and it's always "Can I help you?" "Can I help you?" "Do you need anything?".
Guess it depends on the store.
Why didn't you try asking a cashier to call someone to help you? I don't know about Lowe's, but most big stores have phones by cashiers so they can ask for stuff. Maybe he could have found you some help...Or not. After all, he could have called in for a price check for that untagged knife.
So right! No one with any construction knowledge is going to work for "Lowe" pay there when they can make much more contracting.
This is perfect! I just applied to Home Depot over the weekend. If they give me the job I should be ruling the world in a week or two. I know I am smarter than the average clerk. If I get the job, I'll let you know, and you can just phone it in. LOL :)
Kinda like my DickSmith Electronics exeprience. I just wanted a memory stick for my son's phone. We walked in and looked in each clearly marked section for said item and of course it wasn't there. My son asked me if I should ask an attendant. I looked around and had to reply.. 'I would son, but I think I'd interupt their conversations'. Everywhere I looked there were groups of employees, leaning on counters chatting to each other like employees surrounding the watercooler. Not one of them looked like they were working. My son and I went back to search for the item ourselves and eventually found it.
Btw.. we have Bunnings in lieu of Lowes and they are brilliant. You can't walk 10paces before some guy that looks like he built the hardware outlet pounces on you and asks if you need assistance. One time, when pounced upon by one of these guys I produced a very small screw and said 'I need more of these' the guy took it from my fingers, peered at it and said.. 'right, you want more of the no.5'- this way please' and lead me directly to the nuts, bolts and screws section. I was so impressed when he had spouted the number. I thought 'wow, he knows his stuff!'.... that was until I was waiting to purchase and looked at the screw. A tiny number 5 had been stamped into the head. Still.. great service!
Sorry about your frustration, but this is the funniest thing I've read in a long time. Makes me want to go to Lowe's just to wander among the toilet seats. Real life--how can you beat that for comedy material?
Ah, the wonders of retail. I'd be willing to bet you won't be putting any more holes in your walls, though.
See Ya!
As usual a hilarious anecdote that had me in fits of laughter. Just got back from Egypt where they take customer service to the other extreme, every shop assistant has three key lines, "what is your name?, where are you from?" and "I give you very good price". Okay and polite the first few times, but really annoying after that, as coming from Guernsey involves complicated explanations of where Guernsey is in the world, and once you try to say it is "an island" they assume you are saying you are from "Ireland" which involves even more explanations. Some time later after having explained you are "near France", and "in the English Channel" and "part of Britain, but NOT the "UK", you might be lucky and get some understanding, but kind of frustrating when you know they don't really care, but are simply following some kind of staff training.
"Welcome to Costco, I love you", that is an awesome line! Your Guernsy line is classic as well. Again, SB for president!
Funny stuff!
I am impressed that you were able to make such a painfully obvious turd of a day, something funny for us to read.
Good one:)
Kez
i can't believe i never read your hubs before. this is hysterical. i don't know where you live but over here they are all super friendly at lowes' and homedepot. in fact they descend on you as soon as you walk in the door, which is helpful when you want that sort of thing but kind of annoying when you don't. great hub. really money ;)
It's true that customer service is awful. Most often they act like they are doing you a favor. I get furious about it. I have experienced the problem at Lowes and Home Depot, but fortunately, I love hardware stores and enjoy looking around. Consequently, I know mostly where to get what I need. Or you can try shopping with a hawt, scantily-clad female. You'll have lots of assistance.
I must try that next time Shades, although I am also tempted to get a T-Shirt printed up in Arabic that simply says "My name is Cindy, I am from Guernsey and thanks for the very good price but I am just looking". also tempted to wear an Ipod and simply smile sweetly and point at my ears as if to say "sorry, but I can't hear you".
Around here, there is a little Ace hardware. If you want help, you have to ask or look like a stranger. Since I know most of the people working there, I always have to ask. :)
Imagine a world, where customer service meant customer service or even customer service
Great Hub
Thank You
billY
Nice placement of humor. I too, am frustrated by the self service mentality of most hoem improvement stores. We just got a new Lowes near my home and I enjoy not having to drive the hour to and from, even though I still usually have to search for what I need.
Next time, get online and find out if there is a True Value in your area. I promise, they are so much better than big box stores. I work at a True Value in Oregon, so I know for a fact that they are privately owned, small hardware stores. Plus, anything they don't have on the shelf, can be ordered from their warehouse, which takes a max of 3 days where I work. Of course, you may still find that one store in the state filled with 20 something idiots, but in my experience thus far, most True Value stores have great customer service, reasonably priced items, and nice staff who will stop and talk to you about ANYTHING for fifteen minutes if that's what you want.
Just returned from Loews. I went to purchase a stud finder, and well I found one and attempted to purchase it. Turns out it had no price ticket and the overfed underachiever asked me to go find one that did. Well, armed with prior knowledge of this hub I declined that suggestion and insisted that he remove the remnants of the fried twinkie from his mouth and go get it himself. And that is why tomorrow morning, I am returning to Loews to purchase a stud finder.
Holy crap, "with my head up my consumer ass" cracked me up! I love this hub, and your sense of humor! At the Home Depot and Lowe's in my town, their number one rule of customer service is AVOID EYE CONTACT AT ALL COSTS. This was hilarious, although I have to say I'm shocked you didn't get more hate mail! I wrote a hub about the lack of customer service and had people who had NEVER commented on my work before sending me serious meanness. Now you need to write a hub on how you put the hole in the wall!
It's sort of like a modern-day No Exit in there, isn't it? I'm glad you made it back alive. Are you going to be okay? ;-)
I love this Hub!
Be well.
Spider
Clearly one more testament to the need for American's to search, search, and search some more. Support local operations whenever possible, and if you don't know of one that exists off-hand, LOOK for one! Lest us truly all be doomed or damned or both. :)
Here we have Menard's as a 3rd large alternative, and they are pretty good. Still not the same service and knowledge I remember getting at an Ace or a True Value though.
Such a wonderful read. You somehow make the most boring tasks sound intereesting.
I am now ifficially jeallous :D
More and more I think we have to vote with our wallets, and that includes voting American made products. Let's just hope we can get there. People have a lot of habits, and it's hard to break those. One big bad habit is saying "Oh well, what can one do?"
The answer is a lot. But we'll have to work at it, and sacrifice a little. But we can do a lot if we really want to and if we have the guts to try.
Congrats Shades, you are currently showing a 100 profile score!
I feel for ya Shades, but I love Lowes myself. Of course building is what I know a lot about. Next time you need help come ask me.
What a great hub about American people!! LOL Seriously it is hard to get help at Lowes and never try to purchase cabinets. It was serious then when we first ordered ours and the job got all botched up, but very funny now. Lowes is crazy. I think tha is why I go into Lowes to get something for the house and end up coming out with something for the garden instead. Lowes is my favorite store too.
Sir Dent is gret and I have asked him many questions about construction too. I just wish he lived near me!
LOL So true. Maybe I should write a hub on our Lowes cabinets story although I don't think it will be a big hit either. Some of the people in this country think that we owe them something and are down right lazy. Now you got to think just how those are going to be like as adults--any age here.
I have an idea for a new big-box superstore: ApatheticMart (notice the clever squeezing together of two words--too lazy to use the spacebar). 'Service Associates' in the store will all have round shoulders from shrugging when asked questions, and discarded plastic bags will litter the countryside for miles around. Ah, the American way!
Wow you just wait til I go into Lowes again LMAO. Honestly how can some people work in retail, they really belong in funeral parlours or something similar.
Dang Shades! So not cool! I am so sorry that you had to deal with that kind of stupidity. I hope you don't have to go through all of THAT again.
Excellent stuff! I really like your writing style.
Welcome to the end result of grand capitalism at it's finest.
It's always discouraging to hear such shameful service by an employee who...well, is pretty much hired to be of use in the event a customer needs help.
Luckily, there's still a good number of smaller ma and pa stores here in Cali. And Ace Hardware is generally on the ball customer service wise.
I don't know about the customer service where you live (you obviously haven't lived in france you see: now that's another sophisticated level of surliness and inefficiency altogether!) but as I said before, I absolutely love the way you write. I wonder if you've ever read Jerome K Jerome? Your writing style so reminds me of his short stories... the same tongue in cheek humor and understated wit.
And yes, sorry about the whole experience, but I am so glad you decided to write about it! Hope the wall got fixed though.. :)
Either you are really poor, or you just have a not so top shelf home, that you don't have a professional come do the repairs. Isn't there somthing else that you could be doing to better use of your time than experience this learning curve of poor service at Lowes, and then actually doing drywall finish work yourself! Like teaching a class or something.
Im glad that in the end, you were able to turn a negative into a positive. And after all, these days it is hard to even find a repair person that you can trust in your home, let alone the fact they may do a messy job or even break something else while performing the task! I enjoyed reading of your experience. Sorry for your bad day at Lowes! I totally understand.
LOL it is funny I should come across this particular hub, since those Lowe's commercials make me laugh something terrible. I'm in that store once a week and I usually have to hunt down employees...then I sometimes have to wait for them to finish their cell phone conversations or their conversations with each other if they are in a group.
Great Hub, I have had the opposite experiences with Lowes and Home Depot. Home Depot made my remodel a nightmare and Lowes solved most of my problems. I will say that many of the stores have suffered a serious manpower cutback due to the recession, and that makes Customer Service personnel more difficult to find. Hope your Repair was a success....thanks for the smiles.
Can anyone actually say.... "I have never talked to anyone, about anything other then work.....at work". Until you understand that question..... Please stop making retail workers your slaves. I understand that when you walk into a store, you want someone to help you. But understand that they are not your personal shoppers. They are not there to do EVERYTHING that you want. They are there to help the customer. They do their job. Yes there are some that shouldn't be there and the other employees just to take up the slack. When you yell at a employee you just make them want to never help you again. Trust me...... we know when you come in if you are a regular shopper. If you just remember the old saying "Treat people how you would like to be treated" the world would be so much better.
Well said.
Shades: You are so entertaining; not only do I love to read your Hubs, but I am compelled to read each and every reply to comments and so I am taking forever to go through one of your Hubs!
The Lowe's experience is similar to what most of us experience in many retail outlets; so thanks for expressing the frustration in such an funny and entertaining way! Grrreat Hub!
Why didn't you just go to a local hardware store ????? The people here always ask if you need help. And usually know a thing or two about what your doing. AND WILL GLADLY HELP YOU. I never go to the home centers. NO ONE SHOULD
Hey Shades, it appears you had a wonderful time at Lowe's. I commend you on NOT ripping out his eyes and pissing on his brain. I mean, if you had, it might have jump started some of the brain cells that might be laying dormant. LOL! It isn't any fun anymore going shopping in almost any retailer, because customer service isn't a priority anymore, like it was back when these companies were much smaller. They hire just about anyone for almost any position. The funniest part of the whole experience with retailers is that, usually when people are promoted(like in the military), then they lose brain cells(marbles, if you would like) the higher they go. With your experience, the nitwit you had to deal with at checkout, should give you an idea that him might actually be brain-dead enough to run the company! LOL! LOL! LOL! LOL! LOL! Awesome hub! As always, packed full of laughter from the beginning to the end.
Shadesbreath...Really?
Allow me to sum up in one paragraph what seems to have been a book for you.
I dumbass. I put hole in wall. I youtube. Hole patch kit, Putty. Lowes.
You go into Lowes expecting good customer service, me too. They walked right by you because you were too chickenshit to grab that high school kid by the scruff of the neck and say where's the fucking putty. But yet your brave enough to spend an hour bitching behind your PC about a 30 second segment of your life. If we continue to accept poor service, that is what we'll receive. So what do I do? You tell that associate it is not ok to just walk by and not acknowledge you. Forget the managers, they could care less because your still going to spend the money. By not speaking up, you are the roach hiding from the light. I've got much to say about this, but have already wasted 4 minutes of my life here.
I just got a customer service job at lowes and I intend to reverse this issue. This sounds like a very horrible experience and I am not scared to ask someone if they need help. I am surprised he had this happen because lowes has the long interviews and a very long 85 question test about pretty personal stuff. It was like nothing I have experienced before.
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suziecat7 Level 5 Commenter 2 years ago
Customer service is pitiful in most places. I enjoyed this Hub.